The healing process is slow. I (Melissa) have been doing my fair share of talking and processing, crying and lots of ignoring of what is now our reality since my last post. It feels really strange to have to get back into a routine that doesn't involve William, not going to the hospital, but also feeling like I'm floating around at home. It's hard to be at home where a lot of our memories are. Thankfully, this past weekend I got to travel out of the city with Jeff and I didn't really have any associations with William for where we were in Dubuque, Iowa. I got to spend some quality time hiking in nature, exercising and spending some time in my head in a good way. It was nice to spend time with people who didn't talk to us about William, unless we brought him up. Since my routine is nonexistent at home, it didn't matter that I haven't established one when we were away! Plus, I felt useful helping Jeff get to rehearsal, or however he needed assistance, haha!
I have mixed feelings about Thanksgiving. We'll be headed to the cemetery for the first time since the burial, seeing family and processing whatever expectations we developed about that holiday this year... we kind of missed not stopping by while we were out that general direction, but also agreed that it wouldn't make sense. I guess I feel that in this case it may have been nice to go against what "makes sense". I'll have to think about that.
We're still slowly working our way through cards that we've received.
I've got the ball rolling a little more with follow-up mental health care for me, and I am also expecting some more tests for myself that might give us more information for future pregnancies. My follow-up appointment last week confirmed that I'm on the right track physically for now, and I'm glad they were also checking my mental health and what resources I was aware of.
What stung a little today was starting the healthcare application and stating that we are going to file taxes claiming a dependent, but that we won't be applying for his health insurance...
I ask for continued prayers of healing for Jeff and myself, especially with the holiday season beginning this week. I pray that we will be able to experience peace and joy amidst the other feelings we will have.
Also, thanks for the continued prayers!
