Close family attended the burial and graveside service.
We had initially wanted to wait longer for the burial, to have more time to organize it and give people a chance to come, and at first we also didn't understand that the end of life process can be accelerated for preemies (meaning there's a rush to get them into the ground).
So.... we changed our plans and changed our plans again (thanks, family for being so incredibly accommodating and understanding) and settled on yesterday, Tuesday, because it was going to be a beautiful day instead of a stormy day. And it was absolutely beautiful yesterday. We wanted to do something nice and special for William, and I think we were able to do that with the help of our families.
Before the burial, when Jeff and I arrived to sign some final paperwork, the funeral director offered us a surprise. She had previously cautioned us and prepared us for not looking at William, in case he didn't look good. When we got there, she said something to the effect of: I can with good conscience encourage you to see him one last time, if you like.
This was probably the best part of our day, even though it was one of the hardest parts. We got to hold William, being ready to part ways with his physical body. We got to say goodbye when we were ready to say goodbye.
We were able to place the picture of ourselves where we wanted it to be in his casket, place the coin with part of Psalm 23 near his heart, and have the Teddy Bear that came with the casket give William a big fat bear hug.
We were able to give him a kiss on the forehead.
We asked the pastor from Jeff's parent's church to lead the service, because we figured we'd all be too emotional to do that ourselves (and right, we were). His message really touched all of us, and I am continually amazed by how William touched so many lives and how many people love him, who have never even met him! We also had a time where our families could share any memories or thoughts they wanted to share. It was really meaningful to hear what everyone had to say. It was good to hear that Jeff and I are now parents. That will always be part of our identity from now on.
We all sang the Psalm 23 song as a group that Jeff and I sang to William before he died. After the Prayer of Committal, we all placed a rose by William.
I created a little poster with some pictures of William and of us as a family, that we put up as well.
After everyone had left, Jeff lowered William into the ground with help of the groundskeeper, and then he filled William's grave. We were very glad they gave us the opportunity to do that for William (apparently that's not a thing). Hard as it was.
Post burial, Jeff's parents hosted lunch and it was nice enough outside for us to spend a lot of the afternoon in the backyard.
Jeff has been better than me communicating and responding to people, I'm still working on it. I prefer to interact with people in person right now, I guess and it changes from day to day whether I'm ok talking or need space. It's hard to relive William's passing and the events afterward, and having to say that out loud. Saying it makes it more real. I don't really know how I feel right now. We've been very busy, and focusing on making William's burial nice for him has taken up a lot of brain space. That brain space is now looking for something else and I'm starting to feel the emptiness creep in. There are a few more projects I can focus on, with updates to follow...
